The Legend of the Weed Panda

Smokey prevented a forest fire, despite the fact that he was stoned to the gills.

“Just a little to take the edge off,” he thought to himself, before inhaling a potent cloud of … wait! That last one smelled like wood smoke!

He stumbled over to the cabin window and looked out. His whole front porch was ablaze!

“Oh, fuck!”

It wasn’t until the fire was at his door that Smokey began to run. Unfortunately, he tripped over his bong and was quickly engulfed in flames.

His soul rose up from the ashes into the sky only to be transformed into a sparkly, magic panda bear bearing gifts of frankincense and myrrh, for all the good little children of the Earth.

Well, frankincense, myrrh … and that sweet, sweet black tar heroin.

Some of the tales of Smokey also mentioned cookies.

After many years, the legend of the Weed Panda was a staple of campfire stories everywhere, and almost no one remembered that Smokey had once been a mere mortal stoner instead of a God. But sometimes, on a calm night at the height of the wildfire season, people say that, if you listen closely, you can hear the voice of ol’ Smokey saying:

“I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts. Here they are, standing all in a row …”

And you may even smell the lovely fragrance of weed and wood combined.

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